What Healthy Boundaries Actually Look Like
We talk about “boundaries” a lot these days - especially in therapy circles. But despite how common the word has become, many people I work with still feel unsure about what boundaries actually are, let alone how to recognise or set them in their own lives.
If you grew up in a family where emotional enmeshment, guilt-tripping, or inconsistent behaviour were the norm, you probably didn’t get much modelling around healthy limits. You might have been praised for self-sacrifice, encouraged to “keep the peace,” or told you were too sensitive when you tried to express discomfort.
So, it makes perfect sense if the idea of boundaries feels confusing, overwhelming, or even a little selfish. Let’s break it down together.
What Are Healthy Boundaries?
Boundaries are the invisible lines that define what’s okay and not okay for you in relationships. They’re not about controlling others; they’re about protecting yourself - your energy, your emotions, your time, your space.
Healthy boundaries are clear, consistent, and grounded in self-respect. They’re not about creating distance for the sake of it - they’re about creating clarity and emotional safety, so you can connect with others without abandoning yourself in the process.
You can’t build closeness without boundaries. Because when you’re constantly overextending or second-guessing yourself to keep someone else happy, it’s hard to feel safe or authentic in that relationship.
Emotional Boundaries:
“I’m happy to chat, but I’m not in a place to give advice right now.”
“I can listen to how you’re feeling, but I won’t tolerate name-calling or blame.”
If you’re struggling to know where to start with boundaries, or worried about the fallout of setting them, you’re not alone. These are often layered, emotional decisions - and you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. If you’d like support untangling these dynamics and finding what feels right for you, I’d love to help.
