From “Not Good Enough” to “Too Much”

Growing up with emotionally immature parents often means growing up with some confusing, painful beliefs about yourself.

You might find yourself feeling like you’re never quite enough for people … but also somehow way too much at the same time.

It’s exhausting - and it’s not your fault.

How these mixed messages start

Emotionally immature parents often send inconsistent signals.

One moment, you might be praised for being quiet, compliant, or “easy”.

The next, you might be criticised for having needs, feelings, or opinions of your own.

Without consistent emotional support, a child tried to make sense of it the only way they can: by blaming themselves.

You might have internalised beliefs like:

- “If I need too much, I’ll be rejected.”

- “If I express my feelings, I’ll upset everyone.”

- “If I stay small and silent, maybe i’ll be loved.”

- “If I speak up or take up space, I’m selfish or dramatic.”

Over time, this creates a painful internal tug of war.

- “I’m not good enough to deserve love… but I’m too much for people to really stay.”

Sound familiar?

How does it show up today?

These early beliefs can follow you into adulthood without you even realising it. You might:

- Overthink everything you say and do

- Apologise for your feelings, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.

- Struggle to trust that people actually like you

- Shrink yourself in relationships, workplaces, or friendships

- Avoid asking for help because you’re afraid of being “too much”

It’s incredibly confusing, and it can leave you feeling stuck and exhausted - constantly second-guessing yourself.

Here’s what I want you to know:

You were never too much.

You were never not enough.

You were a child trying to survive an emotional environment that didn’t meet your needs. The mixed messages you internalised say more about your parents’ limitations than about your worth.

Beginning to heal

Healing starts with recognising these inherited beliefs - and questioning them with kindness and curiosity.

You might gently ask yourself:

- “Whose voice is this? Mine, or someone else’s?”

- “What if my feelings are valid and acceptable?”

- “What if taking up space isn’t a bad thing?”

You don’t have to keep living in that tug of war.

You can learn to trust your emotions, set healthy boundaries, and believe in your right to be fully, unapologetically yourself.

If you’re ready to start addressing these painful patterns, therapy can help. I offer online and in-person sessions for adults impacted by emotionally immature parenting.