The Inner Critic: Whose Voice Is It Really?

We all have an inner critic. That little voice in your head that says, “You’re not doing enough,” or “Why can’t you just get it right?” It shows up when you’re already feeling low, or when you’re about to take a risk that matters. It piles on when you’re struggling. And sometimes, it sounds so familiar, so automatic, that you hardly notice it’s there.

But here’s the question I want to ask you:

Whose voice is that, really?

Because more often than not, that inner critic didn’t come out of nowhere. It was shaped - sometimes word for word - by the people who were supposed to make you feel safe.

When the Inner Critic is a Parent in Disguise

If you grew up with an emotionally immature parent, you may have internalised their criticisms, anxieties, and beliefs about you as if they were facts.

Over time, their voice can become your own. You might think you’re being hard on yourself to stay motivated—but really, you’re repeating old scripts. Scripts like:

• “You’re too sensitive.”

• “You always mess things up.”

• “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”

• “Don’t be so dramatic.”

Even if they never said these things outright, you may have absorbed the tone, the feeling, or the look that communicated: You’re not quite right as you are.

And now? That voice is internalised. It doesn’t sound like Mum or Dad anymore - it sounds like you. Which makes it harder to question.

Differentiating Between Your Voice and Theirs

A powerful part of the healing journey is learning to separate your authentic inner voice from the one you inherited. Here are a few ways to start doing that:

1. Name the Inner Critic

Give it a name or personality. This can help create distance. For example, “Oh, that’s Critical Carol again, telling me I’m not good enough.”

2. Track the Pattern

When does the critic show up? Before a big decision? After you make a mistake? In moments when you need care, not criticism? Noticing the pattern can help you understand where it came from - and why.

3. Ask: Would I Say This to a Friend?

If the answer is no, it’s likely not your true voice. Your authentic self tends to be more compassionate, curious, and grounded - even when it’s holding you accountable.

4. Reconnect With Your Real Needs

Often, the inner critic tries to keep us safe from rejection or failure. But your needs for rest, boundaries, or validation are not wrong. They’re human. The more you can listen to what you need instead of what you’ve been told you should do, the more you return to your own voice.

This is The Work of Reclaiming Yourself

In therapy, we explore this process together. My framework, the E.I.P. Framework, is built specifically for adult children of emotionally immature parents. One of the key stages is:

I – Identify and Integrate Your Needs.

This is where we start to tune out the noise of your inner critic and begin listening more closely to your own, authentic voice. We look at what you were told you needed to be, and start reclaiming who you actually are.

This work is gentle, but powerful. And it doesn’t happen overnight.

But over time, you’ll learn to say: That’s not my voice anymore.

Ready to Begin?

If this resonated with you - if you’ve been feeling stuck in cycles of self-doubt, harsh self-talk, or shame - you’re not alone. Therapy can help you untangle what’s yours, and what you’ve carried for far too long.

You don’t have to keep living under the weight of someone else’s voice.

You deserve to hear your own.

If you’re ready to begin this work, you can book a session here or learn more about the E.I.P. Framework here.

Let’s start reclaiming your emotional safety - one step at a time.