Parenting With Boundaries - Even If Yours Were Never Respected
If you struggle to hold consistent limits with your child… or if you find yourself either too rigid or too lenient, you’re not failing.
You’re likely parenting without a clear internal blueprint for boundaries - and that’s incredibly hard.
For many cycle breaker parents, setting boundaries feels confusing, uncomfortable, or even wrong. Especially if you grew up with emotionally immature parents, where boundaries weren’t just ignored - they were punished.
Why boundary-setting feels unfamiliar when you’re a cycle breaker
In healthy families, boundaries are clear, flexible, and respected.
They sound like:
“I’m here if you want to talk, but I need a few minutes first.”
“You don’t have to agree, but I won’t allow you to speak to me that way.”
“I love you - and I need to rest now.”
But if you were raised by a parent who lacked emotional maturity, boundaries may have felt more like:
Emotional distance
Guilt trips
Control masked as love
“Don’t say no to me” dynamics
In those environments, you were never taught what healthy boundaries looked or felt like. You weren’t allowed to have emotional space or say no without consequences.
So now, as a parent, you might struggle with:
Letting your child express anger without feeling personally attacked
Saying “no” without spiralling into guilt
Over-accommodating out of fear of being “too harsh”
Going from zero to 100 - staying silent until you snap
Why this matters more than you think
Without boundaries, it’s incredibly difficult to create emotional safety — for you and for your child.
But here’s the part many people miss:
Boundaries aren’t about control. They’re about connection.
They say:
“I love you enough to be consistent.”
“I trust you enough to let you feel big feelings.”
“I respect both of us enough to be clear.”
But for parents healing from emotionally immature upbringings, clarity can feel like conflict, and firmness can feel like harm.
You’re constantly questioning:
“Am I being too much?”
“Am I being too soft?”
“Am I repeating their mistakes?”
That emotional tug-of-war is the reality of parenting after childhood trauma.
Parenting boundaries take emotional reparenting
Holding healthy boundaries requires emotional muscles that may have atrophied - or never developed - if your early life lacked safety and consistency.
It asks you to stay grounded in the face of your child’s disappointment.
To hold your line, even when guilt rises up like a wave.
To honour your needs, even if no one ever honoured them before.
That’s not just parenting. That’s reparenting yourself while raising someone else.
This doesn’t mean you’re failing - it means you’re healing
Boundary struggles don’t make you a bad parent.
They’re a symptom of growing up in an environment where your autonomy wasn’t respected.
And noticing this now? That’s part of the healing.
If this resonates…
You are not alone in this. I support many parents who are navigating the uncertainty of setting healthy boundaries - especially those who are working to do things differently from how they were raised.
Healing isn’t about mastering parenting.
It’s about understanding yourself - and meeting your child from that place of compassion.
You’re not behind. You’re rebuilding something no one gave you.
And that matters more than you know.
