“But They’re Still My Mum/Dad”

There’s a sentence I often hear in therapy, usually accompanied by a mix of guilt and confusion:

“But they’re still my mum.”

“But he’s still my dad.”

It usually comes after someone has started recognising that their parent might not have been as emotionally available, respectful, or safe as they once thought - or hoped. There’s a dawning awareness that things need to change. But just as quickly, guilt rushes in to shut it down. The idea of creating distance, saying “no,” or prioritising your own wellbeing feels impossible when that deeply ingrained narrative kicks in: You only get one mum or But they’re family.