The Problem with Modern Dating

Updated: Sep 20, 2019

Dating in the 21st century has turned into a tricky business. Gone are the days of meeting someone at school, church, or through friends. Today is the day of the internet hook-up and the plethora of dating apps.

Many people find these apps beneficial, it opens you up to many new people, lets you meet people in a new city, and you are almost never short of a date. However, there are also many people who are caught in the vortex of the modern dating world.

Although a benefit of using dating apps is that there is a whole world of people to choose from, this is also once of their downfalls. Having too many potential dates to chose from means that we are often spoilt with choice. We live in a world where we believe that 'the grass is always greener' and 'the best is yet to come' and so we may continue to swipe past perfectly good potential dates in search of a date that is 'perfect'. Furthermore, knowing that there is a sea of other fishes out there, any sub-perfect date is ditched for someone supposedly better.

This has lead to an increase in feelings of rejection and experiences of being 'ghosted' (when someone ceases all communication with no explanation). These increases in rejection, made all the easier through the use of technology, can lead to feelings of low self-esteem, low feelings of self-worth, and a decrease in confidence.

How to Look After Your Mental Health While Dating

- Limit the time that you spend online and don't close yourself off to meeting someone 'the old fashioned way'.

- Make time for friends and family. It may feel like the most important thing something to find 'the one', especially if all of your friends are coupled up, but focusing all of your energy on this isn't healthy. Make plans with your friends and family, spend time focusing on yourself, and do the things that bring you joy.

- Don't change yourself. As described above, the modern world of dating leaves a lot of space for rejection, and little space for flattery. This can take a toll on your sense of self, and might lead to to want to change certain aspects of yourself - maybe to act more confidently, perhaps to be less competitive at sports, and so on. The more you try too change your personality, the more exhausted you will become.

- Don't put your date on a pedestal. Expecting that each date that you go on will end up being 'the one' can be equally as exhausting. It is good to be hopeful that a date will go well, but there is a fine line between this and being convinced that this will be the last first date you will go on. Putting your date on a pedestal might bling you to some red flags that otherwise would see this date ending early.

As always, if you would like to book an initial counselling session with me, please email me at

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